Final Score: Boston Red Sox 3, Baltimore Orioles 6

Last night, while I was brooding over the results of this ridiculous game and wondering how I was going to write yet another post on how our bullpen is terrible and needs to be beaten with sticks, a sign out of the heavens (or off the TV) appeared: the clip of Manny's ultra rare 9 to 6 to 3 double play showed up on the local ABC news sports recap.

A sign, you say? How so? Remember that I live in Brooklyn, NY, far away from the confines of non-playoff New England sports news, where there are four baseball teams: the Yankees and the Mets and whoever they're playing that night. Showing a clip from a Red Sox game vacillates between the irrelevant and the indignant for most people down here - or so I would think. However, perhaps because he's a native son (of sorts), or because there really are more Red Sox fans down here than one would suspect, or maybe just because the play was so damn spectacular for anyone - let alone a guy whose slugging-first reputation proceeds him - to catch, there it was, in all its glory, on the small screen in New York City, giving me a sign.

If you haven't seen the catch yet, go watch it. Marvel at how the ball left Kevin Millar's bat, how it looked like a sure thing home run until it got to left field. Watch Manny, his dreadlocks flying, tracking that ball at a dead run. Watch him reach out, snag that ball on an exaggerated curve and hold on like it was most natural thing in the world. Then watch him, with the unique flair we've
come to know and love from Manny (particularly in the past two years) take this play from really special to super-freakin'-memorable (and more than worthy of becoming the sole focus of a blog post) by letting him momentum take him to the wall and then up the wall where he high fives a guy in a Red Sox shirt.
Oh, and then he throws the ball back into the infield, where Cora and Youkilis combine to nail Aubrey Huff and end the Orioles' half of the inning. That's a level of cool so unbelievable that the only comparison I can think of is if in one those old Bird versus Jordan commercials, one of them had used a random fan to help ricochet the ball on its way to the net.

So enjoy your day off, fellas (Lord knows you need it); I'll be thinking back to that catch all day and grinning when I think of the sequence: off the bat, in the glove, off the fan, off the shortstop, nothing but out.

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 4, Baltimore Orioles 5

A disclaimer: I'm not usually one for blaming external circumstances on the failings of my team. Generally, if they did poorly, I'm happy to call them out in the vitriol that is the province of the self-righteous fan, stewing in his (or her) impotence at the reality of trying to influence events from the sidelines.

All of that aside, tonight's contest was so poorly umpired by home plate umpire Laz "Rockit" Diaz that I have no choice but to place the blame for this ill-inspired disaster at his feet. Maybe rub his nose in it, too, for good measure. Diaz's strike zone wobbled - for both teams, mind you - as much as a guy driving home from the bar at 2 AM on a Saturday morning after about fifteen too many. He pissed off Varitek, who had a few words with Diaz after a called strike three to start out of the fourth, even though Tek - consummate professional that he is - would know full well not to risk calls for his pitcher by complaining to the umpire. He even ejected David Ortiz after Ortiz had the audacity to argue the worst check swing call I've ever seen, killing a rally that might have won the Sox the game. This guy sucked.

Astute box score watchers among you might point out that the Sox left ten men on base, that half of those men were stranded in scoring position, and that no team wins ballgames by squandering runs. You might also point out that Josh Beckett pitched like crap mixed with dookie and gave up eleven hits, or that Drew left the game (and the series) with a strained wrist after trying to land 200 pounds on one hand, or that Coco Crisp retired early with an upset stomach (bad crab cakes?). In pointing these things out, you might ask why I'm not blaming the players who didn't perform. I'll tell you.

Baseball works on consistency: consistent mechanics, consistent velocities, consistent defense, consistently seeing the ball in a certain way. Lock in consistency and you'll get a perfect game, a 5 for 5 game, a 20+ game winner, a batting title. True consistency is perfection and 99% of baseball is athletes trying to achieve that perfection through the achievement of consistency. Lose your consistency as a batter from poor concentration and you'll have a bad night at the plate; maybe even go into a slump. Do it as a pitcher and you'll leave a pitch out over the plate, get shelled, maybe get demoted to the bullpen or off the team. Lack consistency as a defense and you'll get Derek Lowe through most of 2004: afraid to use his sinker because he couldn't trust the guys behind him to do their jobs.

But be inconsistent as an umpire and you're creating the biggest granddaddy problem of them all: no one knows how to pick their pitches. Will that borderline pitch be a ball or a strike? Should I swing here, or should I let it go by? Suddenly, players have no past data to rely on, they make mistakes, opportunities are squandered, pressure builds on pitchers to make even more perfect placement, and all of the sudden you blow a three run lead and can't seem to string the hits together to come back. For tonight's game, the Orioles had the better time of it and they won, but by his actions, Laz Diaz made sure this contest wasn't about Baltimore versus Boston; it was about his poor performance behind the plate. And for that, he should be sorry.

Final Scores: Boston Red Sox 5, Minnesota Twins 2
Boston Red Sox 8, Minnesota Twins 9
Boston Red Sox 3, Minnesota Twins 7

The Boston Red Sox have NEVER played well in Minnesota but now it looks like Eric and I aren’t the only ones leaving the weekend with a hangover. Maybe it’s something about that trash bag that sucks all hope out of the Beantown crew. The results are usually ugly, but there were some bright spots in this 1 for 4 stretch in the land of 10,000 lakes.

Although Dice-K got the win (his 6th) the victory on Saturday was a redemption of sorts for Papelbon. After 2 consecutive blown saves, Paps got a gimme save and did so with gusto. A nice bounce back for the most valuable arm in the bullpen. Also back to back shots from Lowrie and Coco. Wow that’s even hard to type.

Sunday was a big tease. After going down big early (Wake looked awful), the Sox kept it close even with Manny on the bench nursing his hammy. So why did he pinch hit in a clutch situation in the late inning (only to line out)? No clue. Sox fell short in the 9th. Not pretty, but a good showing for the return of Cora. Lugo sat as Cora got some big hits and so great plays with the glove. No win to show for it though.

Monday night was the return of Casey and the return of the inconsistent Buchholz. Manny got his 498th round tripper, but that was the extent of the offence. Buchholz gave up some big runs early and the Sox never came close to recovering. Lets get out from under the dome before anyone gets smothered.

The biggest stories of the weekend are the moves and shakes in the bullpen. Bryan Corey was traded to San Diego for a player to be named later. I only hope the PTBNL isn’t Bryan Corey.

Also, I am sad to report that the Sox have parted ways with a man I have gotten some great laughs from over the last 2 seasons. Like a psychotic on lithium, the Red Sox have gotten a lot less crazy… Julian Tavarez has been designated for assignment in preparation for a trade to Colorado. No more balls being rolled to first base, no more Freddy Kruger jokes, no more human sacrifice scares. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. Sigh… at least I can take solace in the fact that he was a terrible pitcher. Yep, I feel better already.

You may notice a lack of updates this weekend, or a multi-game summary post: that's because Robin and I (and DC, for that matter) have both driven out the wild ends of western New York, to Lake Ontario, to celebrate our dear friend Eric's bachelor party, where we will use excuses like "brewery tour" as reasons to drink to excess and make asses out of ourselves. The more knowledgeable among you might wonder why we're driving all the way out there when you know that Eric lives in Brooklyn, but there are some mysteries, cosmic in nature, that defy all knowledge and understanding.

Because we can't afford the technology to clone ourselves, we'll be back on Sunday with a summary post of the weekend's baseball doings. With any luck, those baseball doings won't cause us to want to drink further. Go Sox!

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 6, Minnesota Twins 7

I've been cursing at Julio Lugo the whole game, ever since he picked up error number eleven by dropping yet another ground ball to short and missing the opportunity to gun down Carlos Gomez for what would have been the third out. In my head - particularly if they lost, I thought, although I had no qualms about ripping Lugo's fielding again no matter what the final score - the two runs that scored that inning should have been added to Lugo's total, not the Red Sox, making the score an unusual (if all too correct) Red Sox 2, Twins 2, Julio Lugo 2.

Unfortunately, while it's never as easy as it seems to assign goatitude to a particular player, no matter how much he's done to deserve it, Boston played tonight's game so poorly that I must calm my irrational impulses to murder the shortstop in prose and spread the blame to his teammates, where, as we'll see, it most definitely belongs.

Let's start with Lester, who added a new touch to his repertoire of suck: rather than walk everyone, he gave them hits (and then runs) instead. How he managed to survive more than five innings is a mystery for the ages, but after two straight quality outings, Lester returned quickly to his evil ways. And Lord knows [he]'s got to change. Fortunately for him, he avoided the stigma of a loss thanks to the one solid element of tonight's contest: the non-closing relief. Aardsma and Okajima, my hat's off to you: you kept Minnesota off the base paths and off the scoreboard for the better part of three innings, and while Papelbon couldn't seal the deal, your efforts made his appearance possible. Would that everyone else had been like you two tonight.

Like, say, the offense. Sure, they managed to chase the Boof after four innings plus by pounding his pitches back into the Stone Age, but though his backup allowed five hits and two walks over the next five innings, the Sox couldn't mount an effective bombardment program and score some badly-needed runs. Instead, they left 11 men on base, including an almost criminal 7 men in scoring position, setting up the tragic circumstances where a utility player knocks in the winning, walk-off (just to twist the knife a little further) runs off one of the best closers in baseball.

So, as you can see, Lugo's not the only goat left staked out in front of the T-Rex pen after tonight's game: from top to bottom, nearly everyone played their crappy part to create another Metrodome loss. Halle-frickin'-lujah; I'm going to bed.

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 5, Detroit Tigers 1

Call Beckett and Youk the big game hunters. Never letting the sharp toothed beast out of their sight, these two warriors looked into the eyes of a ferocious animal… and the big cat blinked.

After the mauling the Sox took in the last frame yesterday (with Lugo providing the bait), the Sox bounced back with a game and series victory. Beckett earned his 4th victory with a powerful 7 inning 8K performance. Other than the 2 out hit parade (it was weird, like his focus left him after he got two outs in an inning) he dominated the Tigers offence. I hate the fact that our shortstop sucks (and boy does he suck) but starts like these from Beckett remind me that I would still do the Hanley Ramirez trade any day. At least I keep telling myself that.

As for the bats, they were lead by the hottest hitting hand in the land. Kevin Youkilis has been on FIRE as of late and provided another 2 run bomb in this match up. He is now up to 7 dingers (tied for 2nd in the AL) and 27 RBI (4th in the AL). Oh and he’s 2nd in the AL in OPS and Slugging and he and Manny are tied for 1st in extra base hits. So just in case you’re wondering… yeah he’s hitting pretty well.

Now add in the 2 RBI for Tek and the solid relief from Hansen and MDC (finally some luck there) and this striped monster is put down. The Red Sox win the season series against the Tigers 5-2. So after the awful start Detroit has had, it makes you think: maybe this team that was amazing (on paper) isn’t that scary after all. Maybe they are just big pussy cats.

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 9, Detroit Tigers 10

Honestly, I am such a ball of rage and fury right now that I can’t form real sentences. I’m gonna have to do this in bullet point form:

-Sox hot young arm vs Tigers junk ball pitcher. Trap game? Worse…
-Lowrie fell flat on his face running out of the box. Ugly start rookie.
-Buchholz hit like a no-armed prize fighter. Early and often.
-Sox bounce back. Keeping it close.
-I keep thinking Tigers have Andres Galarraga. But he’s retired… and doesn’t pitch.
-I hate Polanco. He kills us.
-YOUK! 2 homers?! That’s 3 in 2 days if you’re counting at home.
-Tavarez should be benched for any softball pitcher from any girls college.
-No way we can win this. Lopez and Aardsma warming. Forfeit to prevent any injuries?
-Tigers bullpen is awful. These guys miss the tank when pumping gas.
-This umpire needs a white cane. He strikezone is an amorphous blob.
-Ellsbury will never be caught stealing. He should rob banks.
-I can’t believe we are only down by 3 this could be…
-OMG!!!
-MIKE LOWELL
-MIKE “FREAKING” LOWELL 3 run HR TO TIE!!! 8-8!!
-Love this Tigers bullpen!
-Pedroia! Pinch hit go-ahead single! What a come back! What a game!
-Oki in trouble… strike ‘em out, throw ‘em out! WHAT A PLAY!
-Jim Leyland could have a stroke tonight.
-Can’t score off Todd Jones? I can’t believe he still plays this game.
-Papelbon in… game over…
-Wait what?
-Oh no
-Oh no
-MUST…KILL…JULIO LUGO.
-9th inning error (Lugo’s 10th on the year) cost us the lead. I want his freaking head.
-Lugo needs to be dropped in South Boston in full uniform. He wouldn’t make it 5 steps.
-Papelbon vs Polanco… oh no.
-Yep… Polanco kills us.
-First blown save and loss of the year for Papelbon. I’m sick.
-Check the box score. No earned runs for Papelbon. Lugo can die in a fire.
-How did they lose this??? HOW??
-I am switching between white knuckle rage and nausea. I can’t stand it.
-F*** you Lugo.
-Papelbon is just as mad… he’s ballistic in the clubhouse. Can’t blame him.
-Buchholz maybe hurt ankle? Great…
-I need to throw up. I only wish it was in Lugo’s hat. Somebody break his knees.

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 5, Detroit Tigers 0

You know what I love? A near-perfect game; a game where literally the only thing I can think to nitpick is one harmless error by Dustin Pedroia that did nothing except raise Wakefield's pitch count by a pitch or two. Let's gloat, shall we:

Tim Wakefield, showing classic knuckleball style on the mound. The floater looked devastating to try and hit, and it showed in the stat line, too: six strikeouts, two hits, no walks; all over the course of eight quick-running (a National League-worthy two hours and twenty-one minutes) innings and a paltry 98 pitches. So much of Wakefield's pitching ability for a night defines itself on the complex measures of atmospherics - it's the random element that makes him so exciting to watch - but even so, tonight was special, like the way he pitched during phenomenal start in 2007. Such works of art are to be enjoyed, but would it be greedy to ask for the creation of as many as possible? I think not.

An offense charge lead by J.D. Drew and continued source of hitting and catching delight Kevin Cash, who went three for four with the second of two RBI whacks that drove in three runs in the second inning. Then throw in the highlight of the run-scoring night: back to back long bombers by Papi and Manny, who celebrated career dinger number 497 in style by greeting the first pitch of reliever Freddy Dolsi with a blast that landed in the hedges on the center field wall. It makes for a wonderful baseball ending, doesn't it?

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 6, Detroit Tigers 3

Did I read that box score correctly? Eight walks from one pitcher over the course of five innings lead to a single, solitary run? Is Dice-K channeling the Houdini aspect of Jon Lester's pitching career? Or, to take it from another angle: how badly must the Tigers' hitting feel right now, leaving eleven men on base? Either way, you could say that Boston's winningest pitcher of the 2008 season "lacked control" last night; that he "got away with murder" and was "extremely lucky," and invoke the same amount of understatement that you would get (to be topical) by saying that Cinco de Mayo is a "drinking holiday."

Fortunately, last night has to be an aberration: we all know by now that Dice-K is an effective strikeout pitcher down to the marrow of his bones, and he's already been sick, which I feel should - in all fairness - grant him a reprieve from physical problems for the near future. What's not an aberration is the amount of run support Matsuzaka continues to receive when he's on the mound: the 2008 average of 5.63 runs per game lining up nicely with the 5.06 average from 2007. Not that the Sox needed all six runs they scored last night, and really - to come to the point of it - with a 2.43 ERA so far on the season, not that Dice-K needs all of the run support he gets, but if giving up eight walks and getting away with it tells us anything, it's that even on bad nights it won't be Boston's bats that add a number to the loss column.